In Which Herman Melville Seeks Critique in an Internet Forum
There’s an online writing activity I like about as much as having someone else floss my teeth—posting the first line of a story in internet forums to receive critique from whoever’s willing to help. This practice is common on Reddit; I’ve also seen these threads in Facebook groups that are otherwise valuable places for writers to share advice and resources.
It seems like a helpful idea—share the first line of your work-in-progress with the group members and get feedback. The groups are made up of other writers and published authors, so it’s an enticing offer—get free evaluations from an assemblage of your peers!
But more often than not, as the comments accumulate, the helpfulness deteriorates. Honestly, it can be painful reading. Let me illustrate. After recently skimming another such thread, I imagined Herman Melville participating with the first line of Moby Dick—
Hey, everyone. This is my first time posting and I’d appreciate your feedback. TIA!
“Call me Ishmael.”
Maybe someone would offer—and as scholars have noted—that by not actually saying his name is Ishmael, but simply asking the addressee to call him Ishmael, he’s launching with some curiosity-inducing ambiguity. But he’d also have to sort through:
It’s so short I really don’t have anything to go on.
It doesn’t grab me, sorry.
What’s it really telling us about the interiority of the main character?
If you’re tapping into something Biblical, many of your readers won’t get the reference.
Not bad but how about if you give us a little more, something like, ‘The first time I told her to call me Ishmael was the last time we ever spoke.’
Is the entire book going to be an address to the reader?
Who’s even speaking here?
Indeed, there’s almost always a kind soul or two who’ll say they love it and want to read more. But the responses (positive and negative) will be all over the place. That’s not necessarily the fault of the writers giving feedback. The exercise itself is flawed.
When we assess an opening sentence in isolation, the easiest issues to spot are related to grammar and syntax. Some content problems, like an abundance of facts readers are expected to remember, aren’t hard to diagnose either. But mostly, first line critiques solicited from thousands of group members end up being wildly subjective and are often no more than projections of the respondents’ tastes.
In the rare instance when these threads go well, a writer might receive a great idea about how to rework a sentence to make it more interesting. But many critiques that might actually be useful—the writer has started in the wrong place or the voice needs to be dialed in— are necessarily contextual. Without additional information, feedback on an isolated first sentence is a good guess at best. A helpful critique would be one that takes into consideration point of view and tone, narrative relevance, and how effectively the first line ushers the reader into the story. First paragraph feedback would be more helpful. First page feedback even better.
Still, I’m not a fan of these crowdsourcing threads. I too participate in online forums and sometimes solicit advice (please do send your digital course tech stack suggestions plus your Trader Joe’s recs). But I don’t offer up a snippet of my writing and ask for input from everyone, everywhere, all at once.
I’ll admit I’m sometimes tempted to throw in my two cents. I know a standout first sentence when I see one and I can spot a dud. But getting these kinds of critiques in this kind of format is usually unhelpful, so I don’t offer them. We tend to demand way too much from a first line. Often, a successful opening depends upon the sentence that comes next, and the one after.
One of the best bits of advice I received during a group workshop on one of my own stories was to cut the first paragraph. I did and it was critical to moving the piece toward being publication-ready. Had my critique-mates only read the first sentence, I might have continued right along in my attachment to my perfectly fine first line.
It’s tempting to accept writing help wherever you can get it, but be discerning when you let people weigh in on your work. Find a place or person—workshop, writing group, trusted friend, professional mentor—where you can share more than just your first line.
Originally published in Brevity
